The Psychology Behind Decluttering Your Closet & Low-Risk Ways to Let Go

By: Teodora Strava Sirbu, MSc, BA

You know it’s just an old t-shirt, and it might not even fit anymore – so then why does throwing it out feel like breaking up with your best friend? 

The closet clean out is a dreaded part of the human experience. It sounds straight forward enough, but when it comes down to it, it’s level 10 mental gymnastics. 

Last week we were moving out of our flat and I knew a closet cleanup day was imminent. I picked up each piece of clothing, weighed the pros and cons, and only ended up with a small bag of clothes to give away. I stared at a pair of jeans with holes in between the thighs that I hadn’t worn in two years. They reminded me how uncomfortable skin tight jeans are and how glad I am that baggy jeans are in style. So…why was I so hesitant to throw them out?

This article is dedicated to exploring the emotional turmoil that comes with ridding your space of old and unwanted clothes. We’ll explore the psychology behind why letting go of clothing is so emotionally charged – as well as a few solid low-risk ways to help you make space in your closet – and in your life. 

Emotional Attachment: “It’s more than just fabric”

What holds us back the most in the process of letting go of old pieces of clothing isn’t practicality…it’s our emotional attachment to them. Human emotional attachment is a biologically rooted “psychological phenomenon characterized by (a) perceiving the attributes of the attachment object as congruent with the self (supporting the self-concept and self-worth), (b) eliciting emotional reactions, and (c) evoking attachment behaviors” (Huang, Picart & Gillan, 2020). Certain articles of clothing align with our self-concept, eliciting an emotional response when looking at the item, wearing it, or thinking about it, and we feel a sense of connection to it. We don’t just wear clothes, we form relationships with them. They represent who we are, who we were, or even who we hope to become. But, just like human relationships, these connections can be healthy or unhealthy. Some clothes become trusted staples that reflect our true selves; others remain unworn, taking up space and reminding us of failed connections and unrealized identities. When that emotional bond breaks down, or is never fully formed in the first place, what’s left behind is often waste.

The quote from the research previously mentioned brings up an interesting thought in this context. If the article of clothing we have an emotional attachment to should theoretically be in line with our self-concept (and self-worth), then those “I’ll wear it someday pieces” probably say a lot about who we actually want to be. People often say “dress for the job you want not the job you have”, but in reality, doing this can make you feel really uncomfortable at work, might affect your relationships with your coworkers, and might alienate you. 

For example, I used to work in an in-patient mental health clinic. I have three full suits in my closet, which I bought before I started working, that align with who I would like to be – a “business woman” (whatever that means). But, in reality, if I wore my suits to the clinic, the clients would probably think I’m stuffy, boring, and probably wouldn’t want to approach me. Although I love the idea of wearing a gorgeous suit and heels to work, that’s just not where my career is at the moment, and that’s okay. 

It’s so easy to make excuses for where and when you’d wear an article of clothing, but if we really want to avoid the dreaded closet clear out in the first place, we have to be really honest with ourselves: does this outfit/item actually fit into my lifestyle? If the answer is no, try not to feel too disheartened – it doesn’t mean it NEVER will, and the item will still be around when it does, or something similar, or…even something better. What I’m trying to say is: we aren’t so much so attached to the item of clothing, we’re actually attached to who we think that item will turn us in to when we put it on. 

Failed Relationships 

The clothes you keep in your closet for years, unworn, are simply put…a waste of space. They represent emotional clutter. “Waste is symptomatic of failed relationships between users and objects” (Neto & Ferreira, 2023). This summarizes a powerful idea: we tend to throw things away not just because they’re broken or old, but because the emotional or functional relationship we had with them has deteriorated, or was never formed in the first place. So, that brand-new dress you’ve been saving for three years is likely still there because you never truly bonded with it. It didn’t fit your lifestyle, and the connection never clicked. These failed relationships fall into two categories. Category 1: you formed a connection, then outgrew it, and now you’re attached to the memories you had whilst wearing it, or the person you used to be. Category 2: you bought something hoping you’d love it, but the connection never developed, and now you’re attached to the person you thought you’d become. In both cases, what you’re really holding on to isn’t just fabric – it’s a version of yourself. 

It’s not all bad 

I want to pay respect to the inverse. Positive emotional attachments we form with clothing could be a sweatshirt from your high school swimming team, an old prom dress, your best fitting pair of jeans, your boyfriends t-shirt that fits you with the perfect amount of slouch, or your mom’s vintage bag. These attachments are normal and healthy, and I would never expect someone to get rid of these things. These relationships create our “favorite” things. Wanting to keep garments that we love to wear again and again means we’ve formed a “successful” relationship with them, meaning these items are in line with our self-worth and self-concept, and we feel attached to them, and this is special. So, throw out the junk and make room for more of these beautiful relationships. 

Now that we’ve covered emotional attachment, let’s explore what else makes this process so hard.

Guilt: “But I spent money on this…”

So, you spent $10, $50, $100 or even $500 on an article of clothing. For the last few years, it hasn’t fit you, or it has a massive permanent stain, or it reminds you of the worst day of your life, or it never even fit you in the first place…

The guilt you feel when you realize you’ve spent money on something you don’t want anymore, is…emotionally taxing, to say the least. This feeling can be stronger if you’ve grown up, for example, in a family that didn’t have the resources to buy much, or if you always had to wear your older siblings hand me downs, you’ve had or have anxiety around money and spending, etc. 

Something I like to think about that helps put things into perspective is how much money I spend on other things that are consumed quickly, and if I feel guilt over them. For example: it is so easy to spend anywhere between $10 and $100 on a meal just for yourself (prices are crazy these days, I know). You go to dinner, you enjoy your meal, you pay, and then you forget about it. You’ve basically just eaten $100, you’ll never see the money again, and you’ll probably forget the meal soon. 

Now, consider a dress you’ve spent $100 on. You’ve worn it 6 times, and now your style has changed. Your cost per wear is $17, which is less than a few coffees or a takeaway. You’ve enjoyed wearing it, you’ve had your moment. You’ve already gotten your money’s worth. Let me repeat that: you’ve already gotten your money’s worth. So then why is it so easy to spend $100 on a meal and move on, but doing the same with the dress is so stressful? I don’t have the answer, but it is a helpful way to think about items you debate getting rid of, based on your guilt of “wasting money”. Move on from the guilt, you have no reason to regret it. 

In “A Functionalist Approach to Shame and Guilt”, Barrett (1995) proposes that “guilt functions to motivate reparative action” and is “aimed at reparation for a wrongdoing” (Barrett, 1995). In other words, we feel guilt in order to experience a level of discomfort that motivates us to amend our wrongdoing and alleviate the discomfort. When we feel guilt in the context of our closets – staring at clothes we’ve spent money on but never worn – this is our subconscious’ way of telling us something needs to change. 

The good news is, we have a few ways to repair this. 

If you’ve spent the money and never actually worn it…try to give it to a friend who might like it. Imagine them wearing it and feeling really pretty and confident (rather than it sitting in your closet giving you anxiety). If nobody is interested, donate it, someone will pick it up in their local charity shop and give it the life it deserves. If it’s in good condition, consider selling it. Depop, Poshmark, Facebook Marketplace, eBay, etc. There’s something deeply satisfying about turning that dead weight into money to buy yourself something that you’ll actually enjoy. A clean closet and a clear conscience? Win-win.

Scarcity Mindset: “What if I need this in the future?”

Having a scarcity mindset is a psychological state characterized by believing that there are not enough resources (time, money, opportunities, etc.) for everybody. In contrast, the abundance mindset assumes there is always enough (or more than enough) to go around. Research shows these aren’t just passive mindsets; they can become self fulfilling prophecies, influencing how we act and what we attract into our lives.

In an article about the effects of scarcity mindset on product usage, researchers report that “people have a visceral aversion to waste originating from a desire to forestall future deprivation” (Arkes (1996), Bolton & Alba (2012) as cited in Tang, H., Li, L., & Su, S. (2022)). In other words, people don’t like letting things go to waste. Instead, they hold on to them to avoid the possibility of being deprived in the future, or not having the means to replace the item later on. When we hold on to the old or useless items in our closets, and we possess a scarcity mindset, we are simply protecting ourselves from experiencing deprivation in the future. We try to alleviate this future distress by holding on to things we’d probably rather rid our closets of, which in turn causes distress in the present. 

Unless you are in a situation of real material hardship, which is a deeply valid and prevalent experience, throwing out, giving away or selling the pieces in your wardrobe that no longer serve you, will not mean that you will never be able to buy new clothing ever again, and it will not save you from future deprivation. This mindset keeps you tethered to a narrative of fear. Letting go doesn’t mean you’ll never have again, it just means you’re choosing to believe you will, and making room in your mind and your closet, for something even better to come along.

And if you’ve given a piece away you’d been saving for the moment when you’ll finally be invited to that very niche themed party or gala you’d always hoped you’d be invited to, guess what…you can go out and buy something else. Groundbreaking. 

What now?

We’ve covered a few different motivators behind avoiding a closet cleanout, or keeping things that shouldn’t be kept anymore. Emotional attachment, guilt, and having a scarcity mindset all explain why the process can be so difficult. I hope knowing these things have given you some peace, and some confidence to go forward and finally tackle your wardrobe. 

BUT, I know it’s still not easy, so I’ll leave with some practical an actionable steps to help the process. You can do this. 

Low Risk Ways to Clean Out Your Closet

1. Anything with a rip, tear, loose threads or major pilling. If you will actually take the time to repair them, or pay someone to repair them, set them aside and plan time to mend them. If the answer is no, throw them away.
2. Anything with stains (ANY visible stains). If you can remove them or pay to remove them, do it, if not, toss. 
3. Anything that makes you feel uncomfortable, self-conscious, or insecure when you wear it. GET RID OF IT. Donate.
4. Anything that you genuinely have not worn in the last 2 years. (Some people will say 6 months, but i’m gonna allow you to be more lenient here. You’re never gonna wear it. 
5. Anything that doesn’t fit you, or wouldn’t fit you even if you lost that 5 pounds. How often do we keep clothes around for when we “lost 5 lbs”. If you’ve failed losing that last 5 pounds for years, just give it up. The clothes are meant to fit you, not the other way around. If you lose the weight, you can buy yourself something new as a reward. 
6. Anything with a bad memory. The old t-shirts and jeans from your toxic ex-boyfriend are effecting your subconscious every time you wear them. Let it go. 
7. Anything you’re unsure of, WEAR IT. Even if its just out for errands or around the house. This will either remind you how much you love the item and will encourage you to wear it, or will remind you of why you don’t wear it, and then it’ll be easier to get rid of. 
8. Does it fit with your personal style? That peplum top from 2015 probably doesn’t need to keep hanging up in your closet…

Sources

Barrett, K. C. (1995). A functionalist approach to shame and guilt. In J. P. Tangney & K. W. Fischer (Eds.), Self-conscious emotions: The psychology of shame, guilt, embarrassment, and pride (pp. 25–63). New York, NY: Guilford Press.

Huang, L., Picart, J., & Gillan, D. (2020). Toward a generalized model of human emotional attachment. Theoretical Issues in Ergonomics Science, 22(2), 178–199. https://doi.org/10.1080/1463922X.2020.1790690 

Neto, A., & Ferreira, J. B. (2023). Lasting bonds: Understanding wearer‑clothing relationships through interpersonal love‑theory. Fashion Theory, 27(1), 1–31. https://doi.org/10.1080/1362704X.2023.2170706

Tang, H., Li, L., & Su, S. (2022). Experiencing less leads to the use of more: The effect of a scarcity mindset on product usage. Journal of Business Research, 149, 139–148. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jbusres.2022.05.024